My Start

If you are reading this then you have found my personal journey with anxiety. I am not the best writer but I am determined to keep my posts completely honest. I don't want to exaggerate my life and I don't want to pretend my life is perfect. It's just me.

I am a newly married wife to the love of my life. I don't know what I would do without my husband because he knows me. He really tries to understand how my anxiety has impacted my life. The best part is he still chose to marry me.

I am going to start, it may not be from the beginning because I don't know where the beggining starts.   Well it's starts with a tightness in my chest, thoughts beginning to come up with all the possible outcomes to a situation, and they aren't always positive. Slowly my brain begins to go on overdrive and starts to shut down. Nothing makes sense. Nothing seems right. Nothing will help me move forward.
These feelings have been with me ever since I can remember. However, it wasn't until I was 20 that I had friend who taught me about myself. She began asking me how I was feeling and wouldn't let me say " I'm good." If I did tell her that, she would proceed to tell me "Good is not a feeling." I then needed to put names to my feelings. I learned what it felt for me to be happy, sad,frustrated,and finally ANXIOUS.
I could finally put a name to the feeling I was feeling. And it changed my world. I was no longer pretending life was roses and butterflies. Well this skill helped me realize that I had anxiety.
At the time I had no idea how much anxiety would impact my life. I never considered myself someone who would need counseling, or someone whom anxiety would paralyze them of doing everyday things. Or someone who would feel the need to write a blog about her relationship with anxiety.
The other day it took all the energy I had to go to a classroom and tutor a kindergartener. The rest of the day I was on the verge of tears and couldn't get out of bed. My thoughts are really good at making me feel like a failure. They tell me, "You are nothing!" "Everyone is faking being your friend, they all think your weird." "Your husband is second guessing his decision." "You are just a burden to everyone around you." "You can't help anyone."
On this day after my husband came home from work and helped me calm down and try to get to the root of my anxiety, the thought came to me,"give your anxiety a good purpose, write a blog." I am going into this thinking no one will read it, but I know there is a chance that someone might relate. My goal is to update and write at least twice a month. If you are reading thank you! Don't forget this is your life. You have divine potential. And you are never alone.

"Don't assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can." -Jeffrey R. Holland